Neighborhood Assembly of God

Being And Choosing God's Best For A Dating/Marriage Partner -- Part I

"1- My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you,  2-  turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding,"  9- Then you will understand what is right and just and fair— every good path.  10-  For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul.  11- discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you."  Proverbs 2:1-2, 9-11

                        1.  Picking up the pieces of broken lives that have become broken and hurt through ignorance, disregard, or disobedience to God's Holy Scriptures.

                        2.  Preventing broken lives through teaching and emphasizing making wise and choices based upon the laws and spiritual principles set forth in God's Holy Scriptures.

                        1.  Accepting or rejecting Jesus Christ as one's Lord and Savior: John 3:16-18: "16- "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  17- For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.  18- Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son."

                        2.  Discovering and living God's special righteous life purpose: Eph. 2:10: "8- For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-- and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--  9- not by works, so that no one can boast.  10- For we are God's workmanship [Lit: God's "poem"], created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

                        3.  Preparation for and the choice of one's marriage life partner.

                        1.  The high percentage of failed marriages in our society [over 50% divorce rate].

                        2.  The large number of disabling conflicts in existing marriages because so many marital relationships were and are currently built upon wrong foundations and attitudes.

                        3.  It's much better to "get it right" beforehand, than to have to seek to live right after the wrong choice!  It is better to walk in the "preventive grace" of God than to have to walk in the "persevering grace" of God!  Many a person has basically said, "I married the devil's brother/sister!"  My first response is, "Why did you marry the devil's brother/sister?!" 

                        4.  Parents/grandparents who do not emphasize the biblical criteria for choosing a proper marriage partner WILL share in the pain with their son/daughter who made that wrong choice - as well as possibly raising your grandchildren!  Proverbs 17:6 gives the proof of successful parenting: "Children's children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children."  A good teacher doesn't merely teach the student but equips that student to teach others.  That is the meaning of "discipleship":  2 Timothy 2:1-2, "1- You then, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus.  2- And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others."

                        5.  This biblically based information will be a good resource for fulfilling your call and responsibility to minister God's Word to others.  You could save someone from a life of needless pain and heartbreak! 

                        "It started innocently enough.  Eric and Jenny were Christian kids who started going to the movies together, or playing a round of putt-putt golf.  But the longer they dated, the more intimate they became -- until finally, they began sleeping together.  After they broke up, the pain lasted for years.'

                        Their story is told in a book by Joshua Harris called "I Kissed Dating Goodbye."  "Eric and Jenny probably had good intentions," Harris writes. "But they founded their relationship on our culture's defective attitudes and patterns for romance."  These attitudes lead to what Harris calls "The Seven Habits of Highly Defective Dating."

                        1.  Dating leads to intimacy but not necessarily to commitment. When something happens to break the couple up -- such as one member departing for college, the other partner may be devastated.  Harris says, "Dating encourages intimacy for the sake of intimacy -- two people getting close . . . without any real intention of making a long-term commitment."

                        2.  Dating tends to skip the "friendship" stage of a relationship.  Harris says, dating tends "to move a guy and a girl beyond friendship and towards romance too quickly."

                        3.  Dating often mistakes physical passion for love.  Passion can distort the young person's perspective and lead to some unwise choices.

                        4.  Dating isolates couples from other significant and important social relationships.  Once they become involved, young couples think nothing of sacrificing other friendships, family time, and church activities.

                        5.  Dating distracts teenagers and adolescents from their main responsibility: to prepare for the future.  Maintaining a relationship takes a lot of time and energy -- time that is often stolen from developing gifts, going on summer mission trips, or preparing for college or focusing on the work of college.

                        6.  Dating can cause discontent with God's gift of singleness.  Singleness is a season of life in which individuals have tremendous opportunities for growth, learning, and service.  But if all that time is spend dating one person after another, opportunities for many more experiences in life and many blessings are missed.

                        7.  Dating creates an artificial environment for evaluating someone's character.  As Dr. James Dobson put it, "Dating is designed to HIDE our flaws, not expose them."  That's why young people ought to get to know each other in the real-life settings of family and friends.

                        These seven habits expose the problems with dating -- at least the way our modern culture defines it.  Yes, it sounds radical, but Joshua Harris might well be onto something.  Singles, you need to take a step back and look at the motivations, goals, and possible outcome of your dating practices.  Especially teens and adolescents, you may very well avoid the pitfalls of early dating and prepare yourself for the greatest romantic adventure of all -- a happy and lasting marriage.

"Biblical Standards For Being And Choosing God's Best As Dating/Marriage Partner"

I.  I Will Not Enter Into A Dating Relationship With A Non-Christian

            A.  The commands of God in His Holy Scriptures are very clear concerning this matter:

                  2 Cor 6:14: "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.  For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?  Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"

                   1 Cor 7:39: "A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives.  But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord."

            B.  "He who forgets the mistakes/sins of the past is doomed to repeat them."  The Lord God's dealings with the nation of Israel were given to both instruct and to warn Christians through their behavior: 1 Cor 10:11-12: "11- These things happened to them as examples and were written down as warnings for us, on whom the fulfillment of the ages has come.  12- So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!"

                        1.  God's word of warning: In Deut. 7:3, the Lord God gave these commands and instructions to the nation and people of Israel when living in the midst of the unbelievers: "3- Do not intermarry with them.  Do not give your daughters to their sons or take their daughters for your sons,  4-  for they will turn your sons away from following me . . ."

                        2.  The result of disobedience when they disobeyed this wise and protecting command by God: Judges 3:5-8, "5- The Israelites lived among the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites.  6- They took their daughters in marriage and gave their own daughters to their sons, and served their gods.  7- The Israelites did evil in the eyes of the LORD; they forgot the LORD their God and served the Baals and the Asherahs.  8- The anger of the LORD burned against Israel so that he sold them into the hands of . . . [various Canaanite nations]."

                        Whenever Israel mixed and inner-married with the heathen, Israel ended up adopting the heathen ideals and practices and selling out on the things of God.  The same type of thing happens to Christians.  He or she invariably ends up compromising biblical standards.  There is absolutely no way to reconcile loving the Lord Jesus above everything in life and enter into a dating relationship with an unsaved person.

            C.  "But I'm trying to win him/her to salvation."  Dating evangelism is unbiblical and rarely succeeds!  Emotions are very dangerous things to fool with.  Over and over again, many a Christian, who has disobeyed the Lord by dating a non-Christian, has ended up getting emotionally attached, marries that unbeliever and then ends up as an "Evangelical widow/widower" sitting in a pew alone or with their future children Sunday after Sunday!

            D.  "But I know of an instance where, after they married and the non-believer became a Christian!"  Thank the Lord that He often works in spite of our disobedience, but woe to anyone who presumptuously goes against His Word of instruction.  Besides this, for every one time this happens, there are 100s' where the opposite result has occurred!

            E.  "But I'm lonely - and "the pickings are slim at the local church." 

                        1.  Ending up an evangelical widow/widower is a very lonely state of existence in not being able to share that which is at the center of our life (Jesus) with that spouse. 

                        2.  Even if there are no Christian prospects on the immediate horizon, do you really think that the Lord Jesus - who loved you enough to suffer and die a crucifixion death for you - would "sell you short" if you remain obedient and wait for His best?!  Besides, you never know who might walk into this sanctuary next Sunday!

            F.  If you have a "non-believer" who's interested in you, invite him/her to attend church.  If they resist Christ, end it right there!  And even if they accept Christ, wait it out.  Many a girl has gotten stuck with a guy who "walked the altar" but wasn't ever really committed to Jesus.  Once they married, he gradually gravitated away from church and to golf or fishing. 

 

II.  I Will Only Enter Into A Dating Relationship With A Truly Committed And Spiritually Maturing Christian

            A.  Although it wouldn't be disobedience to God Word, in some cases it can be devastating for one Christian to marry another Christian who does not share their level of commitment to Jesus.  There have been situations where one Christian was faithful to church attendance who married a Christian who had a take-or-leave-it mentality toward regular church attendance.  And you know exactly what happened!

                        There has also been situations where one Christians had the call of God to a special type of ministry, but who married the wrong "Christian" and because of that wrong priority and choice, now carries the spiritual frustration of not being able to fulfill that original call on their life. 

            B.  Commit yourself to only date someone who's SOLD-OUT to the Lord Jesus.  Look for someone who is consumed with being "in the Word of God" and "fulfilling God's special, righteous purpose for their life", not someone who is consumed with personal advancement, money, materialism and the comforts of life.  You'll get what you choose!

            C.  Why date someone who will not enhance your commitment to Jesus Christ?  If you can't talk about Jesus and about spiritual and eternal realties, what's the purpose of the dating relationship?  Is this really the kind of person you're going to want as a parent for your sons and daughters?  You're making that choice at this time!

 

III.  I Will Not Stir-up Sexual Passion In The Person In Whom I Date

          Gal 5:19-21 - KJV: "Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; adultery, fornication, uncleanness, LASCIVIOUSNESS,  20- Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,  21- Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God."

            A.  Like it or not, we need to take very seriously the negative effect our talk, behavior, and especially our style of dress has on other people.  Why?

                        1.  Because first of all, Jesus warned: ". . . I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Mat. 5:28). 

                        2.  But secondly, but God also warns about causing onlookers to stumble: Luke 17:1-2: "Jesus said to his disciples: "Things that cause people to sin are bound to come, but woe to that person through whom they come.  2- It would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin."

            B.  A certain type of sin that God warns against is called in KJV "lasciviousness" which means "to arise sexual passion in another person of which cannot be legitimately satisfied outside of a marital relationship".  One of the dangers of dating and engagement is the temptation toward physical intimacy.  According to the Apostle Paul in 1 Thes. 4, to stir-up sexual lust in another person is courting the judgment of the Holy God!  God gives strong warnings against such attitudes and actions.  Paul warns us to avoid sexual looseness like the plague.  Why?  Because you cannot partake in sexual looseness without hurting and cheating both the other person and yourself and sinning against God:

            1 Cor. 6:18: "Flee from sexual immorality.  All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body."

            1 Thess. 4:2-8: "For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus.  3- It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality;  4- that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable,  5- not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God;  6- and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him.  The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you.  7- For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.  8- Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit."

            C.  According to this previous passage, God comes against those individuals who take lightly and transgress sexual boundaries or blatantly flirt with those boundaries.  There is hardly anything more devastating in disastrous results then sexual immorality and moral impurity in dating relationships.  The Apostle is saying here, "I give you this warning because I have seen the disastrous effect of such immorality in the lives of other people."  Let's look at five divine consequential judgments that often occur when sexual immorality takes place in a dating/engagement relationship:

                        1.  You will lose the ability to get close to the Lord because you will have to put the Lord "on the back burner" and the devil will have a handle on your back.  Besides, once leads to twice, etc. - and sexual relationships get habitual. 

                        2.  You'll lose a precious gift that you could have given to that one who you both have fully committed yourself to for the rest of your lives. Male or female virgins don't give in, because you may lose an opportunity later on to marry a dynamic Christian who has committed himself/herself to being a virgin and marrying a virgin.  And that's not legalism!  That's their right!  What a heartbreaking experience that would be!

                        3.  You will lose respect in the eyes of that other person.   Be careful who you accept one date with: Rev. Catapano's story of the Christian guy "slandered to be "gay" because he wouldn't go to bed with a "Christian" gal"!   In this wicked day, there are guys and gals whose main goal is to find and conquer virgins!

                        4.  "You'll get what you desire and advertise for."  One of God's harshest judgments is to give a person what he/she really wants.  In 2 Timothy 3, Paul gives a list of 18 characteristics of a rebel - and one of them in verse 6 reads:  "They [rebels] are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over weak-willed women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, . . ."

                                    Be a rebel and you'll get a rebel!  There are guys/gals out there who are highly skilled in fooling simple singles.  They are creeps and they know how to creep into the lives and hearts of spiritually unatuned singles.  They know all the right words and moves.  If you don't have a strong set of biblical standards beforehand they will lead you astray.

                        5.  You might be infected with a sexually transmitted disease.  Sexually transmitted diseases are rampant today.  It is with very good reason that the writer of Proverbs warned that fornication – "sexual relations outside a committed marital relationship - is a "highway to the grave, leading down to the chambers of death" (7:27).  The statistic of those infected with sexually transmitted diseases is staggering among singles in America.   

                                    There are two forms of STDs: bacterial and viral.  Bacterial STDs are curable, but viral STDs cannot at this time be cured.  All STDs wreak havoc on the body.  They cause infertility, neurological disorders, increased risk of cancer, and death.  There are estimates of at least 100,000 cases of penicillin-resistant gonorrhea.  Untreated syphilis can lead to paralysis, insanity, and blindness and it passed from the bloodstream of the mother to the unborn child from 3 months after to conception to birth.  It results in deformity, stillbirth, and congenital syphilis.

                                    Chlamydia is especially dangerous because 75 percent of the men and women infected show no symptoms in the early stages of the disease.  Left untreated it causes pelvic inflammatory disease and sterility in women and infection of the urinary tract and sterility in men.

                                    Herpes is an incurable lifelong infection characterized by painful sores or blisters.  Herpes may appear once or reappear throughout a carrier's life.   This virus has been linked to greater incidence of cervical cancer and is transmitted to babies at birth.

                                    AIDS, the deadliest STD, is caused by the a virus which attacks and destroys the human immune system.  Symptoms may not develop for 10 years, but from the time of infection the carrier can infect others.  Death is caused by a variety of opportunistic diseases that include pneumonia, skin cancer, paralysis, encephalitis, and meningitis.  From 1981 to 1990, 100,777 people died from AIDS.  It is the fifth leading cause of death for children.

                                     "But my boy/girl friend is faithful to me!"  All it takes is one weekend fling on their part and you've just slept with that other person too!  Remember: Every person who is physically intimate with one person is intimate with every person that partner was intimate with!  Our society's advocacy of "safe sex' is a hideous joke.  Condoms have as high as a 10% failure rate! 

                        7.  You will sow "seeds of distrust" which often sprout after the same couple are married.  Why?  Because the foundation of true intimacy is not based on the physical-sexual relationship, but rather is based on "mutual trust".  To achieve marriage's deepest level of intimacy involves the state in which both partners reach a "spirit of oneness" - sharing their innermost thoughts, feelings, desires and emotions.  Then sexual intimacy becomes the excellent culmination of such sharing and trust.

                                    When physical intimacy occurs before the "spiritual oneness" of marital mutual commitment, a cloud of guilt and distrust is planted and will come between each person.  After they marry a communication breakdown most often begins to occur.

                                    The wife begins to wonder if he really married her because he loved her or was it for the physical relationship.  The "seeds of distrust" may begin to plague her as she thinks to herself, "If he did these things with me before we were married, what's going to stop him from doing then now with another woman?"

                                    The husband might also have these same doubts.  If she keeps these doubt to herself, they will be revealed by her responses to him - and he will sense it.  If she voices these doubts, he will probably either laugh at her, get mad, or just ignore her.   And if these matters are not dealt with from a righteous, biblical standpoint, the guilt, doubts, and lack of true intimacy will cause greater struggles in that marriage and family.

                                    Hollywood will try to tell you that it's okay to sexually play around and that it will never adversely affect your future, but remember what GOD SAYS in 1 Thes. 4:6: "The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you."  When a couple violate God's principle of holiness in their dating/engagement relationship, GOD SAYS He will bring His discipline and punishment them.  Therefore, single person, you need to determine by God's grace that will not speak, touch, behave and especially dress in any way that could possibly arise sexual passion/lust in another person. 

                                     If you have not yet believed into Jesus and His redemptive work so that you can be God's best, and can seek God's best in your life,  you can do so today!  These simple steps will lead you into sanctification through Jesus Christ:

The "ABC's" of Salvation

·             ADMIT you are a sinner:

Romans 3:23 "All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way.."

·              BELIEVE on the Lord Jesus Christ:

Acts 16:31 "They said, 'Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved, and your household.'" Acts 4:12 "Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved." John 1:12 "But as many as received Him, to them He gave the power to become sons of God, even to them that believe on His name"

·             CONFESS Jesus as your Lord!

Romans 10:9 " That if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved" 1 John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."  

Won't you take a moment right now to complete the ABCs and receive eternal life?

Please email me at alanstein@agchurches.org

and share your life-changing experience with me!

 

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